I Love Winter

by Lou Stone Borenstein
November 18, 2009

I love Winter. The spring, summer, and fall are just obstacles in the way of getting to Winter. The fall is kind of like practice, a preseason. I wouldn’t count the spring as a postseason though; it just isn’t that important. The summer is the off-season. But Winter is the season. In fact, ’tis the season!

The season to be jolly. Christmas decorations light up little houses and whole cities. I love seeing extra electricity being used. It makes me feel warm. Santa Claus appears everywhere you look. That guy is really fast. Elfish looking people hand out candy canes. I guess children can take candy from strangers after all. Christmas cookies and gingerbread houses put everybody in a good mood. There are parades and sales and pageants. People spread holiday cheer by singing carols. Jews and Muslims also seem to celebrate something, but that just comes and goes.

Winter has my favorite weather too. I love bundling up into as many layers as I can. I need to cover up. I wouldn’t want anyone to see who I really am under all of that clothing. Even my T-shirt layer is reserved only for my wife and the grandchildren. I find that it’s difficult to layer up the legs the same way you can the torso. Long-johns make a big difference, but there’s not much you can add beyond that. I hope someone is working on this problem right now. Layers are good. I hate the summer, when going outside is as simple as going outside. It’s supposed to be an event, something you prepare for. You don’t just walk into the movie theater wearing whatever you happen to be wearing. Going to the theater is a special event and you should dress accordingly. And if you don’t, then you’re a bad person. But not to worry, because in Winter, nobody is a bad person. Except for naughty children. You will get no presents.

Winter is full of wonderful surprises. Few things excite me more than staring at that doorknob on a cold, Winter morning, wondering, “Will it happen today? I can never tell if it will happen. Sometimes I think I know it will happen, but it doesn’t. And sometimes I forget all about it and that’s when it gets me the best.” Then I reach out, grab the doorknob to the bathroom, and – ZAP! Son of a *****! Oh, what fun! Then I figure I’ve been gotten for the morning, it’s over for now. But then I handle the chrome lever on the sink and – ZAP! Son of a *****! It happened again. What a joyous surprise! I can’t wait to get to work, where they have that long carpet leading up to the aluminum door. This much fun should be illegal.

But Winter is perfectly legal. In all 50 states, and in Canada too. I’m not sure about Mexico. But there’s no reason to go there in Wintertime anyway, because they certainly don’t have my absolute favorite of all Winter features: slush. Snow is nice, but it really gets good when it’s trampled on by pedestrians and vehicular traffic. Who could resist the look of that gray snow/ice/dirt concoction smushed up against the sidewalk? My second favorite is yellow snow, but the curmudgeon in me thinks that it’s just a waste of food coloring.

Undoubtedly, the best part of Winter is that it slows everybody down. In a world that spins as fast as it does, we could all use something to slow us down a bit. Whether it’s shoveling snow from under the car, or track delays on the train, or just good ol’ dodging the snowballs of those precocious little children. You know those little children who hang out in large groups and like to wear the same colors, flashing those baseball signs at each other. Innocent child mischief. Winter slows you down, giving you the time to stop and say hello. But, since it usually comes through a scarf or two, it ends up sounding more like “hmm-mmm.” And all of those fallen angels, who no longer like to say hello to their neighbors, have no escape during Winter. They have to be nice to me now. I love Winter. I wish every season could be Winter.

We don’t really have seasons any more. Sometimes it’s hot in Winter. Sometimes it’s cold in the summer. The spring and fall have started to take sides, but they can’t seem to make up their minds. The only thing they have decided is that they don’t want to be themselves. They act like summer or Winter, back and forth, never deciding, until one just finally takes over. I wish spring and fall would choose already. And I wish they would choose Winter. I challenge all the meteorologists to convince them to just be Winter. Once we have three seasons of Winter each year, summer will have to give in soon enough. And then it will be Winter forever. I love Winter.